How to get out of a slump

As the rain hits the window and then slides gently down, it appears to me that even the rain has more purpose and direction then I do right now.

On any other rainy day I’d welcome the perfect reason to stay inside and work. But not today. Today I don’t feel like doing anything. It’s as those the rain has handed me an invitation to do nothing and I’m taking it.

Any sense of pride or self care has left me, I throw on my boyfriends old jumper and tie back my hair into a green Pepper Pig hair band. I was going to go for a swim, but not today. Today I choose not to look in the mirror, as a way of avoiding the consequence of my actions.

Now I’m all for a duvet day, but one of choice and not by default. A duvet day is a glorious celebration of pyjamas, me time and T.V and that is not what’s happening today.

As I hang off the fridge door one more time, I feel equal amounts of sadness and surprise when I realise  nothing new has arrived. There’s no yummy cake or left over heart warming Shepherds Pie – I’m not much of a cook and live on the other side of the world to my mum, so where this Shepherds Pie or cake would come from, I have no idea!

In my disappointment I reach once more for the left over Easter eggs. These eggs have been hidden away from my step kids for some months, in the hope they’d forget just how many they got. But I didn’t forget, I know exactly where they are! They don’t even taste very nice but once more I break a bit off and stick it in my mouth.

This has got to stop!

Now, I have to admit this is not my first time. Me and this feeling go way back. It floors me every time and strips me bare of all my motivation and pride.

But despite my seemingly submissive behavior, I have learnt a few things from each visit.

I have a small list of things that make me feel good and another list of things that make me feel bad. On days like today my brain likes to hide the knowledge of these lists as far away as possible, some where behind the Shepherds Pie recipe perhaps.

But, over the years I’ve noticed that when I’m flying and life just seems to click into place – that’s when I’m doing as many of the items on the good feelings list as I possibly can. And when I fall off the wagon, well today is what happens.

I grab hold of this knowledge with both hands and take a deep breath. The first step is always small, just get to the pool, ‘you don’t even have to swim’ I tell myself.

 

Getting to the bottom of things

There’s no denying it, it all feels like too much today.

Certain life choices with unknown out comes loom over head, bigger and scarier than ever, while the daily practice of functioning like a normal adult human just seems like too bigger task for me.

Looking around, it’s as though my surroundings reflect the inside of my head. 100 jobs started and not finished, too many good intentions to count, disorder rules – it’s a mess.

I look to my phone, surely this faithful distraction will take the edge off. But in a rare moment it looks blankly back at me, as if to say “don’t even think about it.”

I’m stuck here, in this moment forced to take it in. And, unless I want to stay here forever, lost in the disorder, starting but never finishing, I’d better find a different rout out.

But, when you don’t even know what the problem is, how could you possibly find a solution.

For me, it’s with 3 simple ‘why’ questions.

Q1. Why are you feeling like this?

  • There’s too much to do, nothing is getting done, I’m late with everything, it feels like chaos.

Q2. Why is nothing getting done?

  • Because I keep getting distracted.

Q3. Why are you distracted? 

  • I’ve got so much on my plate, I don’t know where to start.

Obviously you could ask why forever and this example is a pretty basic one. But this exercise is useful non the less.

For me it cuts through the surface level emotion and gets to the point – I’m feeling over whelmed and with so much to do I don’t know where to start.

All that’s left to do now is find a good starting point, work out what exactly needs doing and how I’m going to get it done.

 

 

Pissed off therapy

I’ve been trying to ignore it but it won’t go away. I’ve been dancing around in the hope it will disappear, desperately trying every strategy to shake it off.

But it’s still there.

There’s the big issues, the ones that you give yourself permission to feel, because you know they’re a big deal. And most days I can take them in my stride.

And then there’s the smaller issues, the kind of things that are so small I shouldn’t even acknowledge them and yet, it is the weight of these little dramas that seem to send my whole world toppling over, spinning out of control – like the guy who beeped at me in the car park and then stole my space, or the fact we don’t have any milk in the fridge.

It’s all just too much.

So today i’m trying a different tactic. I’m putting my positive mantras down and diving into a whole world of pissed off.

I’m allowing myself one hour to be totally annoyed.

In this one hour i’m going to indulge in the feelings. I’m going to list every single little thing that is getting on my nerves, making me sad, mad or just generally pissing me off.

If it’s a person i’m writing them a letter, with no intention of them receiving it I can let loose.

I’m going to dive in, fully embrace and totally explore these feelings. I give myself full permission to be pissed off, annoyed and as emotional as I want.

However, when the hour is up, that’s it, we’re done, it’s over.

Step two: 

Taking a different pen and setting one more timer on my phone.

In this next hour I address each and every point on the page. It’s incredible what a difference letting the problems out has. Having to not just articulate what’s annoying me, but also write it down. The smaller issues seem to instantly dissolve away and the bigger ones are clear now and easier to tackle.

And just like that I feel better, even lighter.

You don’t need to leave to feel free

I’d never felt more in touch with myself than I did right then.

In that moment, as I stuffed very few belongings into the worlds smallest bag, I knew I was doing the right thing. This trip to me, was a celebration of what I’d achieved, not an attempt to find myself.

If anything I wanted to get lost.

Over the last 6 months I’d had control over every element in my life. I knew what I needed to do to feel great and how much I could get away with before I felt bad. I had exactly the right amount of sleep and just enough late nights to convince myself I was having fun.

I was in control of my diet and in the best shape I’d ever been.

I was bored!

Maybe I was trying to find myself after all.

Whatever it was, it worked.

I felt amazing, with as much time and space to do whatever I wanted, I came home feeling fully charged and totally in touch with myself.

The only problem is, one year on and i’m in need of a little boost, and taking off round the world isn’t an option this time.

Perhaps it’s easy to make yourself happy when you’re only priority is making yourself happy.  But how do you maintain that level of selfishness when everyday life gets in the way?

As I think back to that time, I picture myself there. I remember the smells and imagine myself walking the street and exploring. I remember how proud I felt for achieving things on my own and the sense of accomplishment I had for just doing something for myself.

Now I bring that feel into my everyday world and wonder, what can I do to have that here?

Everyday is a brand new adventure and you don’t need to pack a bag to experience the life you already have. I’m giving myself permission to explore. To take time away from the everyday, to discover those feelings again.

Making time for you doesn’t need to be as dramatic as booking a round the world trip, it could be as simple as a weekly ritual of taking a walk alone, getting your nails done or reading a book. The trick is just remembering to doing it.

Why it won’t work

Have you ever faced a seemingly impossible idea, but known with every single part of your body, it’s the right thing to do?

Have you ever been so sure of the path you’ve chosen that when you achieve it, it feels like the whole world conspired together to make it work for you?

Like a satisfying game of Tetris, all the pieces fit perfectly together, simply clicking into place, making you the ultimate champion.

For one year, it felt like I had that.

Every crazy idea just seemed to work out, every ridiculous scheme came together seamlessly.

Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t easy. There was plenty of stress, late nights and hard work. I was on this crazy rollercoaster and everything was going right.

The only problem is, it goes the other way too. Sometimes it just feels like the whole world is working against you and nothing will work out.

There’s something I want so much I’m sure of it, but I just can’t get my shit together.

Something feels wrong and no matter how hard I try, or how much I want it, I simply can’t line all the pieces up.

And, as the feeling that everything’s spiralling out of control takes over, I finally realise it’s not the world, it’s me that’s stopping things from working. It’s the pieces on the inside that aren’t alined yet.

I’m a big believer in following your gut, or perhaps it’s intuition. Either way, there’s no denying that when things feel right on the inside, when you’re so sure that what you’re doing is the right thing for you – that’s when everything lines up in the outside world.

So rather than looking first to external forces that seem to trip us up at every turn, it’s time to look inside and ask yourself what’s holding you back?

Why you don’t like change

I used to pride myself on liking change. In fact, I found it hard when things stayed the same for too long.

But then why, when it comes to making a few changes in my life, changes I know will transform things,  am I so resistant?

I’d dig in my heels, look away and hold my breath.

In life, it seems that we thrive off change and new challenges, even when we hate them at the time. Change forces us to adapt and learn, it’s what makes us grow.

However, I’m all too aware of the repetition we seek out in everyday life. We find comfort in doing things the same way. I catch myself drawn to the same seat on the bus every single time I get on.

And, with a wardrobe full of clothes, why then do we wear the same things over and over again?

I may like it when things in my life change, but how proactive am I at instigating that change and finding new challenges?

I recently read Mel Robins, 5 Second Rule, she explains that we’re hardwired to avoid anything that makes us feel uncomfortable, especially change.

That’s why you’ll never really feel ready to take that leap of faith, or put yourself out there – you just have to make yourself do it anyway.

From getting fit to finding your dream job, Mel says that if it means simply putting one foot outside your comfort zone, your brain will go into overdrive to protect you. It will do everything it can to talk you out of taking action.

Change is scary, staying the same is not.
Change requires action, staying the same does not.
Change is unknown, staying the same is not.

The way I see it, is we have a choice when it comes to change. Each of those 3 sentences can be split in half. One half is negative and the other is positive, it’s up to us which half is which.

Don’t ask the universe

I love the notion that the universe provides; all you have to do is ask in the correct way.

But just when you think you’ve got it nailed. And you know what you want, and at last you’ve figured out the correct way to ask – it’s right in this moment that life knocks your feet out from under you and slaps you round the face.

Then, as you climb to your feet and before you’ve even had the chance to brush yourself off and decide what to do next – slap! You get hit round the face just one more time.

‘They’ say that things come in threes, so I suppose I should steady myself for another hit. Or would that be a self fulfilling prophesy? Am I inviting the universe to bitch slap me one more time simply because I believe things come in threes?

And so here I am, on guard, wondering what part of my request the universe didn’t like.

But I don’t believe in fate and refuse to accept what I am served as final. I think we make whatever happens to us in life work – because really, what other option do we have?

Stopping? Giving up?

And so rather than preparing myself for the third hit I’m going to stay on the floor for a little while longer considering my options.

I no longer feel hard done by, I am grateful that these circumstances are forcing me to consider a different route.

What comes next is up to me.