Self love v’s self destruct

Now I’m all for self love. In fact I would go as far as to say I was an advocate of self love.

But, from time to time I have found myself wondering what am I supposed to do when all the Yoga and organic dark chocolate in the world just won’t cut it.

I had been feeling it for a while – extra pressure with work, deadlines looming and bills hovering somewhere in the background.

Then finally I’m eye to eye with the weekend and somewhere not too far away I hear the words ‘fuck it’.

Would it be so bad to lose control and go wild?

Drop the responsibility I’ve been holding so close to my chest, rip up the budget I’ve been carrying around and have just one more drink…

Who cares if I don’t appreciate the morning, miss 6am yoga and waste tomorrow on the sofa eating pizza. And so what if I don’t save any money this month?

If practicing self love means always making the healthy choice for your body, then I have failed tonight and tomorrows most likely a write off too.

But then again, what if self love doesn’t actually mean this at all?

To me, self love simply means knowing myself well enough to drop all the rules and having the confidence to trust my choices – even when they’re bad.

And of course, accepting that sometimes you’ve just gotta dance until 3am.

“How well do you know yourself?”

You made me cry, are you ok?

Now I am the first person to admit that I am a sensitive soul and crying is part of the deal.

One of the problems with being so sensitive is you are often drawn to the tougher, less sensitive people in life.

I suppose it goes back to cave man times –  find what you’re lacking in others and stick with it, that way you’ll be all right.

The problem is with modern day personalities the ones who come across the toughest, are often the ones with the most issues and just as sensitive on the inside, which doesn’t always make the best mix.

For years I’ve had this little rule when it comes to life: if you make me cry, it’s over, you’re out. But recently it has occurred to me that maybe walking away from every cross word, every disagreement is not always the best way to travel.

I so desperately don’t want it to bother me. I want it to wash over me and then move on, but it lingers inside the pit of my stomach, heart racing, hand shaking, tears rolling.

So what can I do?

Hold it in, kick off, shout back, hold a grudge or simply write the friendship off and walk away?

There is one other option: reframe.

This means taking what has happened and saying to myself, “You said those words. They are your words. They come from you. You chose to say those words – these are all facts outside of my control.

Then your words reached me and I choose how to hear them, how to see them, how to feel about them and where to put them.

And so I think about it again, there you are saying the words, I see them coming out of your mouth and I wonder how you feel while you say them.

I think about you saying the words, I can see you are upset, you are angry. Underneath anger lies another emotion, something inside you, something bubbling do you even know what it is?

I don’t feel sad for me any more, I feel sad for you.

Reframe again.

I think of five reasons why I love having you in my life; you’re kind, your thoughtful, you’re loyal, you’re fun, you’re adventures. ……. you must have been having a bad day!

Are you ok?