Why your friendships don’t have to last

A great friend once said to me;

“People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.”

At the time, I thought nothing of it, other than it was simply a nice saying. But every once in a while, this saying popped into my head and over time it started to make more sense.

As I kiss goodbye to one more friend, whose presence made my life so much better, if only for a short while, I know in that moment – I’m better off for knowing them and saying goodbye, than never knowing them at all.

I also know the reality of living not only in different countries to the people I love, but also the impact living in different time zones can have on your relationships.

So let’s be honest here, this goodbye is goodbye. Sure, we still have Facebook and it doesn’t change how I feel about you. But the closeness we once had, is gone.

Thanks for teaching me how to be sassy and fierce. You’re the reason I stand a little taller today.

I can’t help but wonder, how important is the length of our friendships?

What about the friendships that don’t end because of distance, but end because we simply grow apart?

It doesn’t mean the friendship was a failure. Nor does it discredit the fun you had when you were together. It simply means that this chapter of your life is over. Thank’s for the season, I had a ball.

And, for the friendships that last a lifetime, I will always be grateful.

Some lifetime friendships are like waves, building in strength and then subsiding, only to reappear at a different moment.

And some friendships are constant. Forever, regardless of distance, or stage of life.

This doesn’t mean the season or reason friendships are less important. It simply means they’re shorter.

And so, for all the people I’ve been lucky enough to call my friends, regardless of the length, I am forever thankful.

 

A lesson in not giving a f*#k

The less f*#ks you give, the happier you’ll be.

As I zipped up my old hoody, I looked down to admire how close in colour it actually was to the washed out, horribly fitting tracky bottoms I had also chosen to wear that evening.

It was clear that a long time ago both these garments were very different colours, but not anymore.

As I headed out into the street, knowing this outfit choice was not my finest, my instincts told me – this is the moment you’ll bump into every ex and their beautiful, well dressed, pristine girlfriends!

I shrugged off that feeling and replaced it with this thought, – the less you give a f*#k, the happier you’ll be.

That sat much better with me in my current state.

Happily, I trotted down the dark street, and collected the beers. I held my head high as I announced my arrival at the pizza shop and then promptly scurried back to the safety of home.

I may look slightly homeless I thought, but I’m definitely happy.

But, what exactly had I stopped giving a f*#k about?

Had I stopped caring about how I felt? Or what other people thought of me? And, could caring about either of these things, really be holding me back in the happiness stakes?

I decided to test it out. The next morning I picked out the smartest outfit I could find – it wasn’t exactly a ball gown, but it was the best I had. I did my hair and slapped some make up on.

It felt good.

Caring about how I looked made me feel happy too, it also seemed to make my boyfriend happy. Clearly officewear was more up his street than hobo chic.

I know it’s pretty obvious that caring what other people think doesn’t get us anywhere. But it’s easy to forget, what we think and feel about ourselves drives almost every emotion we have.

So next time I decide to not give a f#*k, it will be about what other people think, and not how I feel about myself.

 

 

Is being inconsistent with productivity a bad thing?

Move at your own speed.

I can’t seem to keep a consistent pace when it comes to productivity – either I’m on or I’m off. All in, or all out.

When I’m on, shit gets done! Jobs get ticked off, I’m flying.

But, when I’m off, it’s just not happening. And, it’s not like I don’t have things to do. All the drive that got me to this point is gone, and the worst part is I don’t seem to care, not one bit.

Things pile up, deadlines come and go and still I can’t quite get my butt in gear.

What is it I’m waiting for? How can I shake this feeling?

Was my last stint too much? Was the final push a push too far?

Being able to put everything you’ve got into making stuff happen is a great asset, but when it comes at the cost of the next few weeks, I can’t help but ask myself,

Is it worth it? Am I happy? 

Just because you’re feeling a little flat right now, doesn’t mean you’re not happy. All you have to do is look over your shoulder at all the things you’ve just achieved.

Flat out and then rest, doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

The trick is not giving yourself a hard time when you rest. Recognising it as down time and saying to yourself ‘look at what you just achieved, enjoy this time now, it’s yours.’

And when you’re ready, have faith in the knowledge you’ll be back in the game in no time, wondering how you ever sat still for so long.

Why it’s ok to feel uncomfortable

I read somewhere, that when you feel uncomfortable in yourself, it means you’re changing.

Not just mentally, but your physical make up is changing too.

Changing the way you see things and the way you deal with them.

However, as I sat there, sounded by drills and jack hammers, in the knowledge that everyone had complained about the noise, I felt uncomfortable beyond words.

There was no sign of positive change here. I just wanted to escape.

I’ve felt this feeling before.

Sat at my desk in a new job, stress rising through my body, as I wondered if the shame of simply saying I didn’t know what to do, would out way the shame of running away.

“I can’t do this, I can’t do this” echoes through my head.

But you don’t run away, we sit there in the uncomfortableness and muddle through the awkward moments.

After all, you really can’t just walk out on the first day in a new job, or run away from angry neighbors.

And so, for whatever reason I stuck it out and experienced the uncomfortableness. It lingered around me for a while, and plays on repeat in my head while laying in bed.

But now, with the passing of time and the wonder of hindsight, I can say experiencing those feelings wasn’t so bad after all. In fact, it did me good.

I grew, I’m stronger, a little wiser and next time I feel that uncomfortable knot start to tie in the bottom of my stomach, I’ll remember it doesn’t have to last.

Little truths that make a big difference

I’m currently reading The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. She dives into the idea that you don’t need to be depressed to want more happiness in your life. You don’t even have to be sad, it simply comes down to this one question:

Could I be happier?

In her book she shares her Secrets of Adulthood – simple truths that we often ignore, but when we do acknowledge them, life would get that little bit easier.

Gretchen’s secrets range from – ‘You know as much as most people’ to ‘People actually prefer that you buy wedding gifts off their registry.’

And my favorite – ‘If you’re not failing, you’re not trying hard enough.’ You can see all of Gretchen’s Secrets of Adulthood on her blog here.

It got me thinking, what do I know, but often forget? And would it really make my life that much easier if I fully embraced them?

Little truths that make a big difference

  1. Putting things off, doesn’t make them go away
  2. You don’t have to be friends with people you don’t like
  3. Watching TV is the best way to waste time
  4. Exercise makes you feel good (in the end), eating crap does not
  5. Everything always works out in the end
  6. Time is the only way to mend a broken heart
  7. Buying gifts for no reason feels good
  8. No one likes being reminded of something more than once – even when they’ve forgotten
  9. Friends that make you laugh are good for your soul
  10. You’re the only person who cares if you look silly

What are your truths?