A lesson in not giving a f*#k

The less f*#ks you give, the happier you’ll be.

As I zipped up my old hoody, I looked down to admire how close in colour it actually was to the washed out, horribly fitting tracky bottoms I had also chosen to wear that evening.

It was clear that a long time ago both these garments were very different colours, but not anymore.

As I headed out into the street, knowing this outfit choice was not my finest, my instincts told me – this is the moment you’ll bump into every ex and their beautiful, well dressed, pristine girlfriends!

I shrugged off that feeling and replaced it with this thought, – the less you give a f*#k, the happier you’ll be.

That sat much better with me in my current state.

Happily, I trotted down the dark street, and collected the beers. I held my head high as I announced my arrival at the pizza shop and then promptly scurried back to the safety of home.

I may look slightly homeless I thought, but I’m definitely happy.

But, what exactly had I stopped giving a f*#k about?

Had I stopped caring about how I felt? Or what other people thought of me? And, could caring about either of these things, really be holding me back in the happiness stakes?

I decided to test it out. The next morning I picked out the smartest outfit I could find – it wasn’t exactly a ball gown, but it was the best I had. I did my hair and slapped some make up on.

It felt good.

Caring about how I looked made me feel happy too, it also seemed to make my boyfriend happy. Clearly officewear was more up his street than hobo chic.

I know it’s pretty obvious that caring what other people think doesn’t get us anywhere. But it’s easy to forget, what we think and feel about ourselves drives almost every emotion we have.

So next time I decide to not give a f#*k, it will be about what other people think, and not how I feel about myself.

 

 

Is being inconsistent with productivity a bad thing?

Move at your own speed.

I can’t seem to keep a consistent pace when it comes to productivity – either I’m on or I’m off. All in, or all out.

When I’m on, shit gets done! Jobs get ticked off, I’m flying.

But, when I’m off, it’s just not happening. And, it’s not like I don’t have things to do. All the drive that got me to this point is gone, and the worst part is I don’t seem to care, not one bit.

Things pile up, deadlines come and go and still I can’t quite get my butt in gear.

What is it I’m waiting for? How can I shake this feeling?

Was my last stint too much? Was the final push a push too far?

Being able to put everything you’ve got into making stuff happen is a great asset, but when it comes at the cost of the next few weeks, I can’t help but ask myself,

Is it worth it? Am I happy? 

Just because you’re feeling a little flat right now, doesn’t mean you’re not happy. All you have to do is look over your shoulder at all the things you’ve just achieved.

Flat out and then rest, doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

The trick is not giving yourself a hard time when you rest. Recognising it as down time and saying to yourself ‘look at what you just achieved, enjoy this time now, it’s yours.’

And when you’re ready, have faith in the knowledge you’ll be back in the game in no time, wondering how you ever sat still for so long.

Why it’s ok to feel uncomfortable

I read somewhere, that when you feel uncomfortable in yourself, it means you’re changing.

Not just mentally, but your physical make up is changing too.

Changing the way you see things and the way you deal with them.

However, as I sat there, sounded by drills and jack hammers, in the knowledge that everyone had complained about the noise, I felt uncomfortable beyond words.

There was no sign of positive change here. I just wanted to escape.

I’ve felt this feeling before.

Sat at my desk in a new job, stress rising through my body, as I wondered if the shame of simply saying I didn’t know what to do, would out way the shame of running away.

“I can’t do this, I can’t do this” echoes through my head.

But you don’t run away, we sit there in the uncomfortableness and muddle through the awkward moments.

After all, you really can’t just walk out on the first day in a new job, or run away from angry neighbors.

And so, for whatever reason I stuck it out and experienced the uncomfortableness. It lingered around me for a while, and plays on repeat in my head while laying in bed.

But now, with the passing of time and the wonder of hindsight, I can say experiencing those feelings wasn’t so bad after all. In fact, it did me good.

I grew, I’m stronger, a little wiser and next time I feel that uncomfortable knot start to tie in the bottom of my stomach, I’ll remember it doesn’t have to last.